Last Friday the Dashes were packing up to spend the weekend at their dad’s and Dash Two was annoyed because the washer had mysteriously left some weird pink stains on the bottom of her favorite white long-sleeved shirt.
I pointed out that the washer had help from the red yoga pants she had tossed in the load but she seemed unimpressed with my detective skills.
After several failed stain removal tactics Dash Two was wary of leaving it with me in fear that it would somehow acquire more stains while she was gone but I assured her that I would wash it in hot water with bleach after it finished soaking overnight because seriously it’s white and how hard can it be to turn something back to white?
And the Magic 8 Ball says...
I’m guessing you already know the answer to that so I’ll spare you the suspense but let’s just say that apparently bleach turns everything white except white.
Parenting skills are not my strong point (understatement) but my competitive side wasn’t about to let this shirt win. I also wondered if I cut the sleeves off and made it a tank top if Dash Two would notice but then I remembered I don’t actually have any sewing skills so I began researching alternative stain removal methods online.
I spent the next two days trying every stain removal/whitening/exorcism tactic I could think of and each time I did the stain would get a little bit lighter. But I wanted it to be pure white again even though I can’t remember why now that I think about it because looking down at my own shirt I can’t tell if I spilled coffee on myself this morning or if that’s part of my chocolatini from Kelly’s house last night.
Feeling that victory was almost within reach I took a quick break from a project I was working on upstairs and placed the shirt in the laundry room sink, turned on the hot water, and poured in some more bleach. The laundry room sink takes f-o-r-e-v-e-r to fill so I ran back upstairs to grab my laptop so I could return some emails because multitasking.
An hour and a half later I had returned several emails, outlined a content plan for a meeting the next morning, and finished editing some flat lays I had shot a few days ago so I headed downstairs to make myself a cocktail to celebrate my accomplishments for the afternoon.
About halfway down the stairs, however, I suddenly remembered the water running in the laundry room.
I jumped the rest of the way and flew around the corner in the hallway while screaming “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck…… FUUUCCKK!” and silently hoping that there was a magic sensor that had shut the water off when it reached the top of the sink.
Surprise! (to absolutely no one) there is no magic sensor, the water was still running, and the laundry room was totally and completely flooded.
I can't adult
As I reached in to turn off the water I made a mental note to thank the builder for the 2-inch lip he installed between the laundry room and the hallway which managed to contain the majority of the flooding to the 8’x10’ room.
Except then I remembered the storage area that you access from the laundry room and before opening that door I very briefly contemplated setting the house on fire and taking off for Mexico until I realized I’d have to cross the laundry room to get to the garage so it seemed rather pointless.
I tried to remove the drain stopper in the sink to keep the water from continuing to slosh over the side but the hot water in the laundry room is the same temperature as hell and I couldn’t get my hand in without getting 8th degree burns.
So I grabbed every beach towel, bath towel, kitchen towel, and stolen hotel towels I could find to mop up as much of the water as I could and almost three hours later I had completely cleaned and reorganized every single thing in both the laundry room and the storage room (minus the boxes that were on the floor in the storage room that would take 2-3 more days to dry…).
Also, this happened.
Just as I’d finished showering and face planted onto the sofa I heard the doors to the office open and Nancy emerged.
In the midst of the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day I was having I had completely forgotten she was home.
Nancy: Why did you take another shower?
Me: Because I had nothing better to do right now.
(She walks into the kitchen and notices the laundry room through the doorway).
Nancy: Did you just clean the laundry room? It smells like bleach.
Nancy: … and why is every single towel lying in the driveway soaking wet… ??
I convinced myself not to murder her because her complete lack of awareness that I had spent the past 4+ hours flooding the laundry room and then cleaning it up actually surpassed the absurdity of my flooding the laundry room in the first place.
I should definitely get a trophy for that.
Sharing is caring.
I’d love to hear your thoughts as well, so pop on over to our Facebook group and share some with us. Or share your favorite cocktail recipe if you prefer - those are always appreciated.
You’re probably thinking ‘Rest In Peace’ but nowadays it’s used as a response to an unfortunate (though not huge) problem, or just as a reference to something that sucks. Also, you say it like it’s spelled.
Example: This kickboxing class is about to kick my ass. RIP me.
Brand That Makes A Difference
Who Gives A Crap
Good for the world. Good for people. Good for your bum.
The Color Factory
The Color Factory is an interactive pop-up exhibit with brightly colored room-sized installations created through collaborations with artists. It began in San Francisco in 2017 and moved to New York City in 2018, and is basically a rainbow of fruit flavors for your Insta feed.
Paper & Stitch
DIYs and Design for your modern life. Yes, please.
17 Inspiring Brand Manifestos
Mission statements are out, brand manifestos are in. Here are 17 to inspire you to write yours.
The lush life has its twists and turns, so let Matt James and Justin Freet show you How To Be A Better Drinker from the perspective of a Bartender.
Never stop learning my friends.
February’s creative brief from our favorite community that supports independent artists and creatives around the world.
One of our favorite vintage-inspired boho fashion brands.
Straight Outta LA.
Always The Sun
Best sipped at Barkeep OKC.
- 1½ oz. Beefeater Gin
- ¼ oz. Banana Liqueur
- 1 barspoon Lemon Curd
- ¼ oz. Vanilla Simple Syrup
- ½ oz. Fresh Lemon Juice
- Absinthe for glass rinse
Rinse a Nick and Nora glass with absinthe and set aside. Combine the remaining ingredients in a cocktail shaker and fill with ice; shake well. Double strain into the rinsed glass and garnish with an edible flower
- People growing up today will never have the satisfaction of angrily slamming the phone down to hang up on someone.
- Statistics are often much more terrifying than horror movies.
- The amount of effort you put into getting the last bit out of a tube of toothpaste is determined by whether or not you have another one.
- #2 pencils are the #1 type of pencil most used.
- Cinderella’s shoe couldn’t have been a perfect fit if it fell off while she was running down the stairs.
- You can cut a triangle in half anywhere and still have at least one triangle.