File that under ‘things never to toss at the end of a wedding.’ Duly noted.
As you may remember from last month’s Friday Faves, Nancy and I flew to California last fall to spend a weekend drinking with framily. We also attended a wedding.
As I mentioned, I’m not a fan of weddings. It’s not that I have anything against marriage, it’s that all weddings are exactly the same. Especially the ones who go over the top to make sure they are not the same.
They are also incredibly routine and predictable, and for an ESTP attending a wedding is the agonizing equivalent of being stuck next to a toddler on an overseas flight to Australia who won’t stop kicking your seat and screaming.
I typically send a killer gift to the friend heading down the aisle, along with my regrets and the promise to attend their next wedding. However, Nick seemed like one of those people in the minority who only get married once. Plus he knew all of my excuses anyway.
He also promised that it would be way more cocktail-party-meets-bar-crawl than wedding. And of course, he was right.
The cocktail-party-slash-wedding was held at an art-gallery-turned-wedding-venue in downtown Sacramento, and after the 5-minute nuptials - half of which included a story by friend-turned-officiant Danny on how Nick and Ericka met, which involved tequila and a bar much to the delight of the attendees and much to the surprise of Nick’s mom - we spent the evening sharing cocktails and stories while catching up with old friends and family. By the end of the night I also managed to get adopted by Nick’s German grandparents. Which I was pretty excited about because mine passed away years ago and I’ve always wanted grandparents named Willy and Gerlinda. Prost!
TBT to the beginning of the night.
When we arrived earlier in the evening there was a table right inside the door where everyone could sign the guest book. I thought this was a smart move on Nick and Ericka’s part creating a reference book for when they got too drunk to remember everyone’s name at the party. I made a mental note to do this at our next in person event.
Next to the guest book was a basket full of glass chemistry vials that matched the wedding decór. Apparently guests were supposed to select either a yellow-and-green vial or a red-and-white one as they entered so I grabbed two of the red ones to go with my collection of vials that came with the Crack Ho Mojitos I ordered the last time we went to Chino Latino in Minneapolis.
It turns out that rice does not actually make birds explode as once rumored, but for many reasons it’s not really a popular choice for wedding sendoffs. I thought the colorful grain-like substances in the vials they gave us would be a much more photographic alternative anyway.
At the end of the evening, however, everyone was handed a sparkler to light right as Nick and Erica emerged to make their getaway. I figured since it was dark outside they must have changed their mind and decided to go with fireworks instead. Which was great because I really wanted to keep the red-and-white vials for myself.
Who knew? Don't answer that.
Turns out the vials were party favors for the guests, and contained Nick and Ericka’s favorite herb seasonings: lemon and rosemary, and Sriracha salt.
Tossing two vials of Sriracha salt on them as they ran past might have blinded at least one of them and certainly altered the rest of their plans for the evening, and I imagine it would have been about 3 years (or at least a month) before that became funny.
Since I didn’t toss the flaming hot salt on them, however, it did make for a great story the next morning at brunch.
Anyway, check out my Friday Faves and then head on over to the Unconventional Creative Facebook Group and join the conversation.
Dramatic. Over the top. Basically, a drama queen.
Example: People whose first choice is to back in to a parking space first are so extra.
If you’ve ever lived in a city with an HOV lane, you’ve most likely experienced the wrath of the HOV Nazi enforcer cops. FYI: The inflatable doll you’re hiding in your closet does not count as a passenger when placed in the front seat of your car. Just trust me on this one.
For those of you who haven’t seen Carpool Karaoke with James Corden yet, stop what you’re doing right now and start with this episode - “I got drunk 3 nights in a row recently. Cause Christmas!” - I spit out my coffee twice the first time I watched it. Thankfully I was wearing a white shirt.
Productivity: Carrot To Do List
Meet Carrot, the to-do list with a personality. Perfect for those who are trying not to suck at life.
“Greetings, lazy human. I, Carrot, am your new task mistress. I’ll make this simple. Get things done, get rewarded. Persist in sloth…and I will be upset.” SOLD.
Rise and Shine: Carrot Alarm Clock
Early riser? Good for you. Night owl? Listen up: this is for you.
In the morning Carrot will interrupt your dreams with one of its 30+ chart-topping songs. Want to turn it off? Simply complete a few hilariously bizarre chores. This app will stop at nothing to wake you up.
31 Signs You’re A Bit Of A Basic Bitch
An oldie but goodie. at least according to my Starbucks Barista, Claire. But I absolutely did not go to her wedding even though she sent me an invitation because I just can't even.
73 Questions with Anna Wintour
She may be controversial, but there’s no doubt she’s one of the (if not the) most powerful women in fashion and media.
- She’s had her iconic bob since she was 14 years old. She maintains it with 2 blow drys a day - one first thing in the morning, and once early evening.
- She has worn the same style of Manolo Blahnik shoes almost every day since 1994, when Blahnik himself took a mold of her foot and custom designed them for her. That’s even more impressive than Mr. Big proposing to Carrie Bradshaw with a pair of cobalt blue Manolos in lieu of an engagement ring.
- 1½ parts pepper-infused vodka (such as Absolut Peppar)
- 2 ½ parts tomato juice
- ¼ part lemon juice
- ¼ part lime juice
- 2 dashes Worcestershire sauce
- 3 dashes hot sauce (such as Sriracha or Cholula)
- 1 pinch ground black pepper
- 1 pinch sea salt
Add all ingredients to a cocktail shaker along with ice. Shake until blended, then strain into a highball or pint glass rimmed with salt (if desired). Garnish with lemon slice, lime slice, peperoncini, stuffed olive, and bacon. LOTS OF BACON.
- When you order food at a restaurant, you always start your order with a drink. At a fast food joint, you always end your order with a drink.
- I mostly use my driver’s license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
- Nobody ever has a bottom locker in high school movies.
- No one deals with rejection more than Internet Explorer requesting to be your default browser.
- KFC only follows 11 people on Twitter: the Spice Girls, and 6 guys named ‘Herb.’ Think about it.
- Scotch aged 12 years sounds a lot better than Scotch from 2005.