Thanks to the Dashes I learned years ago never to claim that I would ‘never’ do something.
For example, before Dash One was born I self-righteously claimed that I would ‘never’ let my girls just sit in front of the TV all day. Although in my defense that was technically true since they napped for part of the day so they weren’t actually in front of the TV all day.
Side note: I’d also like to personally thank Dora, Sesame Street, Dragon Tales and The Backyardigans for teaching the Dashes how to read as well as how to find your way back home when you get lost (sorry again about that, Dash Two).
Every now and then, however, I get hit with amnesia and out it comes again. Thankfully the Universe is always right there waiting to bring on my downfall.
Like the time I was in LA with some friends and kept telling everyone how I never get hungover.
Never take advice from me, you'll end up drunk.
My long-term memory must have been on vacation that day because otherwise it would have been screaming, “Hellllooooo!! Spring Break Freshmen Year?!? Sophomore Year?? Oh hell… COLLEGE?!? What about that time in Baltimore (or Chicago for that matter) with your team at Accenture?!? Are you listening?!?”
Instead the “What the hell… why not?!?” part of my brain seemed to be running the show that Saturday afternoon when 6 of us sat down to brunch and cocktails at our hotel in LA. This also explains how we all ended up in an Uber 2 hours later when someone suggested we all get tattoos.
The tattoo parlor was located right next to a bar (props for great marketing) so the six of us rotated between the bar and tattoo parlor until four hours later when everyone was sufficiently inked up and we texted our new BFF Uber driver to take us back to the hotel.
Three of us were filming a video the next morning - followed by an afternoon shoot with Audrey Case for a magazine feature - and had an early wake-up call scheduled so we made sure to get to bed at a decent time in order to get plenty of sleep.
Just kidding. When we got back to the hotel four more friends had arrived and we shut down the lobby bar sometime after you’re-going-to-regret-this AM. Which was conveniently followed by my what-the-fuck-were-you-thinking alarm that went off what seemed like 5 minutes later.
Told you so (sincerely, your intuition).
As I tried to sit up I realized I wasn’t hungover… I was drunkover which is 173 times worse and meant to punish me for every past sin I had ever committed plus some I hadn’t even dreamed up yet.
Just as I was contemplating calling in dead Renee showed up with some (hopefully legal but I didn’t care) drugs and my boyfriend Andrew (her ridiculously good-looking actor/director husband). I must have looked like I just lost a bet because she immediately sent me upstairs to hair and makeup to see if Jami could make me look like someone else.
Pat assured me the hair of the dog was the key to my survival so he had Cassie make me a Bloody Mary as we we sat down to start filming. I haven’t the slightest clue what I said on camera but Andrew is a genius at directing so between Jami and him I was hoping I looked and sounded like Gwyneth Paltrow. Or possibly Jennifer Aniston with her early-Friends short hair.
By the time we finished filming that morning and headed to lunch I was shifting from drunkover to full-on hangover because the Universe wasn’t done making an example out of me just yet. I’d passed the point of hair of the dog cures so I decided to move on to more tried and true ones - namely Coke (the cola) and greasy burgers.
Despite the 104° heat wave that afternoon I managed to survive our shoot with Audrey. Primarily because no one was willing to kill me and put me out of my misery but also because Audrey is the easiest person to photograph in the world (and also one of my very favorites).
Thankfully, however, I had learned my lesson. Which is why when we headed to the bar that night I made sure not to brag to anyone that I never get hungover.
Winner: Not me.
Shout out to Audrey for not running away screaming when the homeless woman yelled at us because we wouldn’t give her her drugs and also when the drunk guy walked up to you on the sidewalk and pulled down his pants.
And shout out to Andrew for saving Audrey from the naked man and also for hand-washing her feet on the sidewalk after the shoot.
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Or share your favorite cocktail recipe if you prefer - those are always appreciated.
Salty is used to define passive-aggressive people. It’s also used as an expression when you’re upset over something little.
Example: Did you see Carly's face after Abbie won the tournament? She was so salty!
Unfold is a great app with well-designed minimalist templates for creating stories to share on your social platforms.
March’s creative brief from our favorite community that supports independent artists and creatives around the world.
Best sipped in a Shag glass.
¼ cup Pineapple Juice
2 Tbsp. White Rum
1½ Tbsp. Fresh Lime Juice
½ oz. Dry Orange Curaçao
1 Tbsp. Orgeat Syrup or Simple Syrup
1 tsp. Maraschino Cherry Juice
½ oz. Dark Rum
Combine all ingredients except dark rum in a cocktail shaker. Fill with ice and shake vigorously for 20 seconds. Strain into an ice-filled rocks glass. Top with dark rum, and garnish with whatever the fuck you want. Enjoy.
The Clinky Club
For your (female) loved one in prison. Because why not.
Bootstrapped, Profitable, and Proud
A blog series from Basecamp that profiles companies with over one million dollars in revenue, who didn’t take venture capital, and who are (yep, you guessed it) profitable.
The Candle Bar is a DIY retail space where you can spend time with friends (or frenemies), enjoy a drink, and learn how to hand pour a custom candle.
You had us at drink.
Luggage for the modern traveler. Yes, please.
- Losing track of your son while shopping is inherently worse if you’ve named him Marco.
- Your brain becomes an expert at proofreading after you’ve hit send on an email.
- The tallest person in the world has physically experienced being the exact height of every other person in the world at some point.
- Technically all glasses are 3D glasses.
- Making eye contact with a mall kiosk salesperson is like accidentally tapping a pop-up ad.
- If you're lucky, your car will go its entire life without touching another car.