If anyone is on the fence about getting a dog here’s how my day went yesterday with Peace the Puppy.
7:00am My alarm goes off and I
jump right out of bed hit snooze.
7:27am The alarm goes off for the 4th time and Peace the Puppy is pacing back and forth across the bed so I get up and let him outside before heading to the kitchen to hide his morning Prozac in a pill pocket and get his chaser treat ready.
7:28am Peace is already back scratching at the door after having gone potty because he doesn’t realize he’s a dog and should love being outside. I grab the pill pocket because if you don’t drop it into his mouth the second you open the door it’ll throw his entire day. I’m pretty sure this is karma for something I did in a past life.
7:30am Peace has had his pill, his chaser treat, and is now at his bowl ready for his 1/4 slice of doggy bacon that serves as a bribe for him to eat his fresh food prepared just for him from The Farmer’s Dog. If I move fast enough he’ll eat his breakfast because he knows he’ll get another 1/4 slice of doggy bacon as a reward.
7:32am I open the cupboard to get a beef tendon chewy just as Peace runs by and snatches it from my hand on his way to the bedroom which is apparently the only place he can chew it.
It was me. I let the dog(s) out.
7:39am I am just about to get in the shower when Peace rushes out and rings the bell on the door letting me know he needs to go outside. Apparently I don’t move fast enough because he keeps slamming the bell with his nose and I’m pretty sure our neighbors’ kids think Santa Claus is on their roof now.
7:43am I turn off the shower and walk outside to see what’s taking Peace so long because this dog hates being outside.
He looks at me as if to say “Look... I did my business. I’m such a good boy! NOW WHERE’S MY REWARD?!?”
I give him another treat because this dog owns me.
8:15am We are out of coffee so I decide to run to Starbucks because safety first.
Peace psychically knows where I’m headed and rushes into the garage as soon as I open the door in case I had been thinking of sneaking out without him.
8:19am I pull up to Starbucks and the line is long but Peace is laser-focused and has already started whining for a puppuccino. This should be fun.
8:31am We pull up to order. I have to repeat my order 3 times because the employee can’t hear me over Peace’s howling.
8:35am Peace buries his nose in the puppuccino and doesn’t come up for air until he’s licked every last molecule from the cup. He has whipped cream all over his nose and face which makes him look like he’s been snorting cocaine all morning.
He burps twice for effect and starts licking the window. Awesome.
8:45am When we get home Peace rushes right into my office to curl up for his morning nap right next to my desk. 5 minutes later he is snoring so loud I have to put on my headphones to drown him out.
1:10pm Peace has an appointment at the vet for 1:30 to get his nails trimmed so I take him outside to go potty before we leave.
He must have sneaked a look at my calendar because he figures out we’re going to the vet and starts trying to convince the new neighbors moving in across the street that I am hatching a plan to murder him. This is probably why the previous neighbors moved.
1:28pm We arrive at the vet and a brand new tech we’ve never met greets us and checks Peace in.
NewTech: And what is Peace seeing Dr. McFarland for today?
Me: I’m dropping him off to get his nails trimmed.
NewTech: You don’t need to drop him off for that, I can just take him in the back and trim his nails for you really quick.
Me: He gets extremely anxious and almost gives himself a seizure when anyone tries to trim his nails so the doctor always sedates him first.
NewTech: There’s really no need to sedate him. We have a harness that holds him securely and he’s only 10 pounds! I’ll be back in a flash.
This is why no one likes you.
Before I can protest she picks Peace up off the counter and disappears in the back. He is shooting daggers at me with his eyes but I ignore him and start counting down in my head… 5…4…3…2…
The blood-curdling screeching and howling coming from the exam room startles 2 people in the lobby and their dogs immediately start howling in unison with Peace. I can’t tell if they are coordinating a rescue mission or plotting their own escape but neither are looking promising.
A few moments later the door opens and NewTech emerges. From the amount of fur on her scrubs and the crazed look in her eyes I can tell she didn’t even get one nail clipped.
Just then one of our favorite techs finishes up what she’s doing and comes over. The smirk on her face makes me realize she intentionally let NewTech try and trim Peace’s nails. #wellplayed
When I return an hour and a half later Peace is absolutely stoned out of his mind but somehow manages to keep one eye open until we get in the car just in case NewTech makes any sudden moves.
Snapshots of poor life choices.
As usual Peace passes out in my lap on the way home so I take obligatory pictures of him for future embarrassment.
It occurs to me that I now have enough of these pictures that I can make our vet a coffee table book for Christmas.
Not long after we get home Peace drunkenly stumbles over to his bed and sits down determined to show me up and prove that he’s sober. As predicted he slowly falls over sideways with his tongue hanging out and passes out upside down for the rest of the afternoon.
I get roughly 3 hours of work time in before he wakes up in full drama queen mode hell bent on giving me the cold shoulder for taking him to the vet and making me pay double for allowing NewTech to torture him for all of 10 seconds.
Here’s to feelin’ good all the time… cheers.
Sharing is caring.
I’d love to hear your thoughts as well, so pop on over to our Facebook group and share some with us. Or share your favorite cocktail recipe if you prefer - those are always appreciated.
The gossip. ‘Spill the tea’ is the equivalent of ‘spill the beans.’
Courtney: “OMG I have to tell you what Josh did last night!”
Elise: “YES! Give me the tea!”
April’s creative brief from our favorite community that supports independent artists and creatives around the world.
Arguably the most iconic music festival in North America today. If you aren’t going next weekend (or the weekend after) then be sure to download the playlist and live vicariously through all the Snap stories.
This popular app makes meditation fun. I also may be addicted to the sound of Andy’s voice.
TIP: Try their sleepcasts to fall asleep at night - my favorite right now is ‘Night Town.’
Your mission… should you choose to accept it… is to make contact with all of your secret agents before your opponent’s team does. The catch? You only know the agents by their Codenames.
Escape the Crate
An ‘escape room’ game for your living room. Basically you invite friends over and see if they can escape. Takes game night to a whole new level.
The AONC is Chris Guillebeau’s blog about life, work, and travel.
“You don’t have to live your life the way other people expect.” - Chris Guillebeau
No explanation needed. Just click.
Mellissa Sevigny shares her own keto/low-carb recipes (plus some she’s tried around the web) on her blog, giving you lots of alternatives to the ‘same old, same old’ keto recipes you find online.
Also, be sure to check out her brand new book Keto For Life.
Bee & Blossom
Best sipped with friends. Preferably at a rooftop bar.
2 oz. Barr Hill Gin infused with black tea*
½ oz. Raw Honey
¾ oz. Fresh Squeezed Lemon Juice
1 oz. Yellow Chartreuse
Dash of Barrel Aged Orange Bitters
Build tea-infused gin, honey, lemon juice, Chartreuse, and bitters in a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake for 8-10 seconds. Double strain into a Collins glass filled with ice and garnish with an edible flower (such as a Marigold). Then make another one because you’ll want it before you finish the first one.
*Barr Hill Gin infused with black tea: Place about 1/4 cup of loose black tea into a 750ml Bottle of Barr Hill Gin. Shake, then let sit for approximately 2-3 hours (shaking occasionally during that time). Strain and bottle.
- Putting groceries in the freezer is like Tetris, but taking them out is like Jenga.
- Since the brain consumes 20% of the body's calories, a fifth of the food you eat is literally food for thought.
- Somewhere on Earth is a guy who got a bowling strike at the same exact moment it thundered.
- The word ‘long’ is shorter than the word ‘short.’
- Someone has had to have tried every plant on earth to see if it was poisonous.
- It's completely fine - adorable even - for a random dog or cat to follow you around for a day, but not for another human to.